I Have a Dorm!

Well, I'm all sorted out here! I've unpacked, put everything away, gone grocery shopping (twice), met most of my suitemates, and bought approximately 80% of Target. I've also eaten in the cafe, which isn't bad. I'm not sure how often I'll go there, as I have every intention of cooking as often as I can, but I hear they have pretty good pancakes.

I feel like I ought to wait so I can take better pictures of my dorm than what I already have, but I'm a bit impatient, and my cupcake painting is falling down again, already, so these mediocre, wire-crossed pictures will have to do!

And then, more on Mammoth!

Unprofessional

So I'm wildly behind on my Marvelous Monday post, mostly because, well, I haven't been feeling particularly inspired lately. When I wear cute outfits, I forget to take photos or the place I do take photos is overrun by kittens, but for the most part, I just spend my time being lazy in my pajamas. I mean, they're cute pajamas, but I'm not going to take pictures in them. That would be silly.

Next week's Marvelous Monday will go better, assuming I remember to ask my companion to take a picture of my outfit.

That's what it is, mostly: having to take pictures. I'm okay with being photographed, of course, but I'm not happy with the way in which I have to go about doing it. I still don't have a tripod, and I have to rely on setting my camera down on stable surfaces that might not yield the best background. The pictures in my bedroom are always taken on my dresser, and I'm tired of it, you know? And I kind of hate asking people to take my picture because it just feels so egocentric and silly. Of course, blogging about what I wear is pretty egocentric, but it's not that bad a thing to be. I just don't like other people thinking it of me. Which is absurd. I know.

I'm on the hunt for a tripod so I can be a reliant self photographer, but I don't have the money to spend on one yet. Soon, though, I hope. I really, really hope. It would be nice. Because my university is gorgeous, and it would be nice to treat you guys to pictures of the same quality with prettier backgrounds.

I also feel a bit inadequate with my point-and-shoot, even though I do love it. It's been through the wringer, I swear (the lens mechanism won't work properly, but the camera itself is fine, so I love it even more), but it still takes decent pictures. But I read through other, good blogs and just feel like I have absolutely no idea what I'm doing because my camera isn't an SLR and I don't have the "necessary" equipment and my room is always a mess and what am I even doing.

Don't worry, we'll return to our regularly scheduled blog thing later. I'm just in a bit of a slump.

As a reward for reading this, have a picture of a kitten!

Perception

The biggest aspect of Fat Acceptance, and Body Acceptance (to me, at least) is this simple motto: All bodies are good bodies. No matter what you think is wrong with it, it. is. good.

This is one of the hardest things to accept I think, though it's incredibly easy to think that it's simple. Your body is included in this group. Strangers at WalMart are here, too. Supermodels and headless fatties alike. But more often than not, it feels like a Sisyphean task.

There's another old adage that we all know, one that says that people only put others down because they're insecure. While it might not be universal, it's entirely too true. I know this firsthand.

See, even as a fat girl, I'm guilty of judging bodies.

Too skinny, too fat, thank Kanye I have slender ankles.

In my straggling pursuit of self acceptance, I've gotten so much better about it, but I am still not immune. I might never be. And the cycle is as easy to identify as it is difficult to end.

I hate my body, I judge others' bodies.

On a good day, I think nothing but good things, about everyone. On a bad day, everyone is subject to my bad thoughts. My perception of others' bodies is directly related to my perception of my own body. It's a capricious system, and a poisonous one.

It's just hard to be content with what you have, I think. It's even harder to actually be happy with it. But it's a road worth traveling, no matter how many potholes get in the way. Sometimes, we just have to work harder at it.

Barely relevant, entirely perfect.

Goals and Whatnot

I'm not really a resolution-y person, because I know that they basically fall apart immediately. I make them too big, too drastic, too quickly, and they're never things I actually enjoy.

So this year, I'm just going to share a couple of goals and, I dunno, ideals with you guys. I thought you might enjoy that. And if you don't, well... Okay.

1. Finally get my driver's license. I got my permit, and it doesn't expire until July. I need to get some more driving in and then I can finally be an actual driver and a real grown-up (or something).
2. Get a job, or do something that makes money. I don't particularly want a real job in retail or whatever. Ideally, I'd be able to write and earn money for that, but I'd take what I could get, honestly. I am so tired of being broke. Ugh.
3. Transfer. If I do transfer to Maine, that'll be around August. If I go somewhere in California, it won't be this year, unfortunately. So this one might not be as easy to accomplish (hideously enough).
4. Finish my Big Project. I've been working on it for a couple of years now, but I've been really inspired in the last few months and have been working with it more closely than ever. It's a silly thing to mention so vaguely right now, but it's my baby, I guess, and I want to wait. (Sorry).
5. Donate/rid myself of things that I simply don't wear. I've gotten more and more clothes this past year that I actually wear and enjoy, but now my closet is choked with things that I don't wear. This'll be the year that sees those things leave my closet (finally).
6. Travel more. This one is the most difficult of all, since I don't have much money to spend on things like this. Nor do I have a car. Or a license to drive one. But I just really want to spend some time somewhere else, I guess. I'm habitually under the influence of wanderlust, and I'd like to indulge in it a bit this year.
7. Do more projects and post about them. Even if I'm not the craftiest creature in the herd, or if I'm not the best at nail art, or whatever, I really like doing projects. So I should do more, right? Right. Easy enough.

So, yeah. My goals, and little bits of what's going on in my life.

What are your goals, if you have any?

Evolution

Warning: super long. Sorry. Mostly.

I grew up with a mom who loved to sew and loved to dress up her daughter, in equal measures. Yes, I'm sure you can imagine the dresses and matching hats and all that. Don't worry, I'll relieve your imaginative powers and let you have this:

Bonus cousin! He's taller than me now.
He's three months younger.
I resent it.

Then, when I was in the third grade or so, I started growing out of these dresses (I mean this more metaphorically than physically, really). All I wanted was a pair of jeans. I started dressing a lot more tomboyishly around the fourth grade. Coincidentally (or not), this was when I moved out of the realm of Little Girl to Little Chubby Girl.