My Dear Body

Sometimes, out of nowhere, you get hit with thoughts that are significantly less than cheerful. They're a slow blue-green poison in your veins, and they last for days, weeks, months.

I have anxiety, and it likes to manifest itself in some really unpleasant ways. One of the most common: decisively un-stellar body image. While this it doesn't always happen because of my anxiety (everyone has days where they just don't like the way that skirt or dress fits), that certainly doesn't help to make it any less annoying and awful.

Sometimes, the best way to get rid of these toxic feelings is to pour them out and hope that the light can fill the gaps and take over. That doesn't always work, so the Next Best Thing is injecting some sunshine into that blue-green venomous darkness and hope for the best.

Hotter Than

You know that phrase "Real women have curves"? Sure you do! It's kind of ubiquitous. And obnoxious. Not to mention completely counterproductive to the whole body acceptance movement in that it is still body shaming.

I've got curves. I have rounded, ample flesh that only forms straight lines with concentration. My fingers arch and bend. My belly consists of bands of softness, much like my arms and thighs. My calves are uneven and round and curvy. My toes, my nose, the bows of my eyes: all of them are curves. Some are finer and more delicate than others. Some of those others are like bending arcs.

I am curvy, but that isn't what makes me a woman, real or otherwise.

There are women with straight hips, or rounded hips. Women with flat and ample chests. Women with one distinct chin, women with multiple.

It isn't the shape that makes a woman, and this is obvious, right? Well, you'd think so. While we know this, quite clearly and logically, there is still this temptation to try to do good by one group by stepping on another. Mothers, don't tell your daughters that "real women have curves" when they're fighting their bodies. Tell your daughters, sisters, best friends, reflections that your body is beautiful because it fits a certain constraint or construct. Your body is beautiful because it is yours. Lame and cheesy as that sounds, it's true. Even if you're a twin (or triplet, or nontuplet, whatever), no one before or since has had your precise body, down to the whorls of your fingerprints, down to the planes of your belly, down to the bows of your eyes. Don't squander your own body by believing that it isn't as good as others, but most of all, don't tear down others because they don't fit your construct of beauty.

That's just not cool, dude.

Rebel Rebel

In case you haven't paid as much attention as you normally should through the week, it's Monday. But you should also know by now that Mondays around here are marvelous. If you didn't know this, head right over here and change that.

This week's theme: breaking fashion rules!

I'm sure I do this all the time, because let's face it, most fashion rules are straight-up silly. They're too constricting, whether or not you're a fat girl, and they're not much fun.

I mean, come on—don't wear horizontal stripes? That's absurd! I am a strong supporter of the horizontal striped look because you can look like an Elvis Presley-type jailbird, a pirate, or a sailor. Or all three at the same time! What's not to love about horizontal stripes?

Of course, the reasoning behind this is that they make you look bigger. Which is silly. Just as silly as clothes that are designed to "flatter" and "conceal trouble areas." Because that toga-like tee-shirt is going to fool everyone into thinking I'm a size two, I'd imagine.

I'm also pretty sure that one of the fat-girl fashion rules is that we shouldn't wear short skirts, but my new slogan may just become "Short skirts fo' life, yo." It just feels right.

So, hopefully, I've broken two rules with this one amazing dress. I absolutely love it and can't believe I haven't worn it yet. Though, truth be told, I actually wore it out into the world yesterday, where I was accosted by wind. Not fun. No, today was spent baking a cake and some cupcakes for Casey's birthday, and I did all of that in my pajamas.

I love low backs like this, I really, really do.

Dress: Image | Shoes, socks: Forever 21 | Watch: WalMart | Necklace: Hot Topic | Earrings: Claire's

Now, head on over to the others' blogs and see just how rebellious they are!

Sian: Sort Life Out; Buy Milk

Jocelyn: Fat, Fashionable, and Feminist

Cheri: Cheri'z Angel and Style Luvin

L: goodbye hollywood

Classy Lady

When I got to get my ears pierced so very long ago, Erika and I stopped to visit a friend. We got to talking about the store across from hers, and their plus-size section.

"It's so classy!" she said. "The other side is so skanky."

I've been in there, and, yeah, she's a little bit right.

"I should get fat," she laughed.

There was a beat, an uncomfortable moment as everyone realised that, whoops, there's a fat girl here. You don't say the F word, especially in front of a fat girl. She might notice.

I, of course, being the only-mildly-socially-unacceptable creature that I am, laughed. It was funny! I mean, come on, getting fat just to buy nice clothes? It's funny!

I said, "Yeah, the plus-size community is obviously very classy" and gestured to myself. That made them a bit more uncomfortable, but like I said, I'm not good with people.

The point of this is to say that, yeah, some (lots) of people get offended at the F word. I don't. Fat jokes don't offend me unless they're just not funny, and even then, it's because it's not funny! Nothing's worse than a joke that falls flat. If you tell a fat joke and it's funny I will laugh. I'm that person who finds 99% of things funny, and generally laughs at things that she really shouldn't be laughing at anyway.

Sometimes, people just have to chill.

(Also, I actually went and checked out the plus section. They have some really cute things, and I made that stripey dress mine.)

The F Word

What, exactly, is so toxic about the word fat? Why must we work so hard to "banish the belly" and go for a size two? Why do we allow ourselves to be guilted into hating our bodies?

Our bodies are something to loathe as they are. They're something to fix, something to improve, something that is quite obviously not your "Best Body Ever!" Anyone who decides that, hey, a burger sounds really good tonight is quite obviously unhealthy, doubly so if they're fat.

That's not to say that there aren't unhealthy fat people don't exist. Of course they do. But what people fail to realise is that healthy fat people do exist, just like unhealthy thin people. Several studies have been done to prove that size does not dictate health.

That terrible F word is not only dangerous as it stigmatizes fat people, but it wreaks havoc on the mental health of just about everyone. Yes, everyone, fat and skinny alike.

Eating disorders don't just affect skinny people, in the same way that they don't just affect women. But of course, once you reach a certain size, these dangerous behaviours—I mean physically dangerous—are applauded as an attempt to "Get your life back on track!" That's especially ambitious if you've kind of always been fat, or chubby, or simply Not Skinny.

Stigmatization against the word fat, not just fat on the body, but also fat in food, is detrimental. It makes something that occurs naturally, something that is actually vital for living, and makes it a dirty word. It manifests itself in such subtle ways as a girl like me, who's actually fairly confident, not owning any jeans because she doesn't like how they make her belly look. It manifests itself in my niece thinking that fat is the worst insult out there, on par with ugly, stupid, undesirable. It manifests itself in dangerous problems in people I love who are beautiful as they are.

Fat is a dirty word because accepting it means accepting your body, jiggly bits and all. In a world that is sort of run on body shaming, the person who actually accepts their body for what it is is revolutionary. The person who actually loves their body is radical!

I'm doing my best to teach my nieces and nephews, my friends, and myself that there are worse things in life than fat. I am not encouraging fatness, not by any means, but I am encouraging them to see that what they have is good, no matter what they're told.
And, if we're being honest, I'm doing the same for you and me both.