Sunday, December 13, 2015

I'm Still Here (Quietly)

I still don't know what to do with this blog, and it kills me to leave it in limbo. I know I won't delete it, because, as I've said in the past, it's been so good to me. I've learned a lot, I've written a ton, and I'm not the same person I was before I started blogging. And yes, I miss it. I miss sharing my day with you and taking pictures of myself and feeling cute. I still do feel cute. I got dressed up and did my makeup to go out for sushi with my roommates the other day. I'm busier than I've been in a long time (though now I'm technically on winter break). I have a girlfriend (who's really cute and sweet and the best ever, we've been dating for almost a year). Things are completely different.
I miss the people I've connected to through here. I've met a ton of incredible, lovely people, and they've all improved my life so much. I need to devote a few days to just catch up on those friends' blogs.
I wear the same handful of outfits, with a couple of outliers. It's not bad, just quick when you want to sleep in and still make it on time to a ridiculously early lab. It's like a uniform.
I'm not sure what the point of this post was, honestly. Just a little note to say that I'm still here and I miss blogging but not enough to devote real time to it.
(Honestly, though, I think the point is that I'm procrastinating on my grad school applications. Oh, and I'm graduating in May! So there's a tidbit!)

Sunday, October 19, 2014

The blogs in question here are: bbwcurvygirls, bbwchubbygirls,
and lazome. I've covered the icons of the first two because of their
explicit nature.
These, dear folks, are some of the blogs that have been following me for two months, despite me asking them not to. For two months. I have reported these two (and a couple others) to tumblr's staff at least twice. At least five other people have reported them on my behalf. And then, shortly after I made a post on the tumblr connected to this blog saying that I might come back with outfit posts, this happened.
That was one of the last safe spaces I had on that website. I've been policing my presence on there obsessively, and, despite the fact that this blog is not linked in any way to my personal blog in either direction, they have invaded it.
I've set the Ridiculous blog on tumblr to private, more to protect the people whose outfit posts I have reblogged in the past.
I'm honestly tempted to take this one down for a while. I'm not sure how long. And isn't that just so unfair? Though I haven't been as active as I've been in the past, I have worked hard on this blog. I have made friends through it, I've written things that I am tremendously proud of, I've put a lot of love into this and gotten a lot in return. It's toxic and unfair to know that all of that means nothing to these people who are happy to harass me despite continually asking them to leave.
One friend suggested that they're probably staying because I do keep calling them out, some kind of twisted spite, and I'm honestly very certain that that's exactly what's happening. And it's bitter and terrible and infuriating.
I don't know if I'm going to keep Ridiculous as it is, or if I'm going to make it private or what. I don't know what I'm going to do.

Thursday, October 16, 2014

Black Hole Hands

I'm fairly active on tumblr. I've met incredible people through it, I've built amazing friendships, I've learned about everything from world-building to social justice concepts to very important bee trivia. I have a tumblr connected to this blog where I largely just reblog outfit photos that I really like.
Sometimes, I even post selfies and things. And in these selfies, I am always fully-clothed. No fatkini pictures on there. It isn't that I'm afraid to show off my pasty fat body—not at all. I did post the photo on here after all.
No, it's far more insidious. It's to the point where I am wary to post any pictures or information about myself at all on my personal blog. It's a safe space, but that means nothing when it is perpetually invaded by explicit pornography blogs. They often have phrases like "BBW" (big, beautiful woman) in their title, which shows me exactly what kinds of people they are. They dehumanize fat people in a completely different fashion, reducing us to nothing more than a fetish. I am vulnerable to these people simply by virtue of being a fat woman.
I, personally, am made uncomfortable by sex and anything to do with it. Simply knowing that porn blogs are following my personal blog, wherein I talk about my day or post pictures of myself posing with my school mascot between classes (for example) makes me tremendously uncomfortable. Knowing that they have access to these pictures and posts makes me uncomfortable. And since I patently refuse to comb through their blogs to ensure that they're not taking my photos, I have no way of knowing whether or not there are pictures of me on their blogs. Because of that, if I report them, nothing will happen; as far as I know, they're not doing anything overtly wrong. I can't accuse them of stealing content if I don't know whether they are.
Blocking them does absolutely nothing—it only means that I can't see their notes on my posts. They can visit my blog. If I just ignore them, they can even like and reblog my posts. The only change is that I don't see this activity. While that might be a bit comforting, it's disconcerting to not know.
I can't go onto their blogs and ask them to stop following me because they shut down all methods of communication.
The literal only thing I can do is tell them to stop and hope for the best. And, actually, I've been doing that for about two months. I've reported them to the tumblr staff, and actually several other people have reported on my behalf. And clearly, it's not going to well at the moment.
This happens to so many people. I've had friends who were harassed by blogs like these, and it's so toxic. I see so many outfit photos explicitly telling porn blogs to stay away from their posts.
I don't understand why our safe spaces are invaded in this manner. It's happened numerous times, both to myself and friends, to strangers and people I look up to. It's exhausting, and it's infuriating.
To be honest, I've removed every bit of identifying information from that blog but my first name. My icon is a portrait of Copernicus, I've made my selfies more difficult to find within my blog, and any personal posts are lost in a sea of pleas for the fetish blogs to leave me alone.
What does that mean for The Ridiculous Sort? Honestly, I don't know. It could go two ways: either I let the fear of these horrible people dictate my entire online presence (which they're starting to do, and mercy isn't that unfair?), or I get brave and do it anyway. I have cute new clothes and I like how my apartment looks.
So, we'll find out.
But for now, we'll just wait. We'll see.

Wednesday, September 17, 2014

Let's Play Dress-Up: Sports Edition

So I was given a fun opportunity to dress up an item of clothing, via the magic of the internet. It's been a while since I've compiled a lust list or anything, and while this isn't quite that, it's a similar idea! This one is just a fun little outfit idea!
In this case, I'm dressing up a jersey from Fanatics, who sell fine NFL jerseys for all your sports needs. Seriously, there are so many—I don't think you'll be able to say you can't find your team. They even sell golf things. That's intense.
I don't know if you guys know this, but I'm not really into sports. I follow important news items, but that's less to do with sports than the actual news component. A lot of the people in my life are die-hard fans, though, and they're all going to be way busy for the next few months during every football game. I don't go for it, but hey, we can all be cute whether we're WAY SUPER INTO football or whether we barely know how a touchdown is scored.
I chose a Chargers jersey solely because I really love San Diego as a city. I just hope this Te'o is a nice person.
  1. Manti Te'o jersey (this is actually the youth girl's jersey, which was a small mistake. The women's sized jersey looks a little different, though not by a whole lot. Just roll with it. Also, these jerseys run up to a women's 2x!) from Fanatics — $144.95
  2. Gilded seashell hair clip from Plasticland — $9.50
  3. Cotton plaid full skirt from eShakti — $69.95
  4. Hobby Shop Tour bag from Modcloth — $44.99
  5. Chevron detail tights from ASOS Curve — $15.23
  6. Apollo ankle boots from ASOS — $79.98

Monday, September 8, 2014

Poor Treble

Have you guys seen this upsurge in body positive music lately? And by upsurge, I mean two in the past six months. And by body positive, I mean women who aren't exactly large saying stuff about being bigger. Whatever, that's cool, and it's relatively nice. Even if it's halfhearted at the best.
Now, with these two songs ("All About That Bass" by Meghan Trainor, and "Anaconda" by Nicki Minaj), there is a new wave of people yelling BUT WHAT ABOUT SKINNY-SHAMING all over the place. I mean, yeah, both of these songs have lines akin to the whole, "Real women have curves" thing, but let's be real here.
People are using these songs as base camp for their panic, since they're clearly new to body positivity that comes at their expense. Never mind the fact that so much of this movement is comprised of women with hourglass figures and flat bellies. Never mind the fact that, to the media, plus-size starts at a size six and ends at fourteen—maybe sixteen if you're hot. I'm absolutely not saying that these people aren't necessarily plus, that they're not allowed to sit with us. I'm also not saying that they don't or can't belong in a movement about body positivity—I'm saying that I can't stand that the public face of this important movement looks nothing like the people struggling.
Because of this, people see this movement as nothing more than slightly bigger women telling skinny women that they are just the worst and that "boys like a little more booty to hold at night."
I mean, let's all ignore the fact that fat discrimination is pretty much a constant in our society. Let's forget that obesity is considered a disease by the AMA; that people have been refused medical care simply for being fat; that fat people are not only less likely to get hired, but also less likely to receive raises and promotions. Let's ignore every second of that, of a world that I can barely fit in sometimes, of being told I'm pretty "for a fat girl," of a six billion dollar industry designed to get rid of me. Let's forget about all of that and focus on these two songs that made fun of skinny women.
I feel like we're starting to hit a place where we can make some real, genuine changes that don't come at the expense of other people, and we could do so much if we only let people who were actually fat (as opposed women like Meghan Trainor) speak out.
And please remember: skinny-shaming is a bad thing, and I've written on that before. It's damaging to fat acceptance as a movement, because shaming someone cause of their body type is pretty much the literal exact opposite of what we're trying to do. Just don't do the thing. But the most important thing to take away from this is the skinny-shaming does NOT equal fat discrimination, in any world, ever.
Finally: I am cute.
Ah, the involvement fair. Ah, bio club.
Dress (worn as skirt): WalMart | Tee: bio club! As you see on the table! | Sunglasses: Claire's | Shoes: DIY

Tuesday, September 2, 2014

I Keep Doing This

Sorry about this, guys! I'm hopefully going to get back into the habit soon, especially now that I'm in a new (really cute) dorm, and now that I have this skirt currently on its way to me.
Till I manage to get myself together enough to take pictures, here are a couple older, undocumented outfits that I really love!
Ah, San Diego. Always so good to me.
 Dress: Forever 21 (I definitely need more pictures in this beauty) | Flannel shirt: thrifted | Tights: Walmart | Shoes: Vans | Sunglasses: Charming Charlie | Backpack: Forever 21
Fun house portraits count, don't they?
Dress: Old Navy, a la Dani | Bag: Target | Leggings: WalMart | Shoes: Payless (can you even see them?)

Thursday, July 3, 2014

Shiny Shoes

These pictures are from last month's trip to Carlsbad, but that's cool, right? I've worn this outfit a few times since then, really, except for the shoes. Those fell apart the day after I took these pictures. I'm still heartbroken. I need more copper sandals!

Dress (worn as skirt): WalMart | Top: Marshall's | Flannel: thrifted | Bracelets, necklace, sandals: Forever 21 | Sunglasses: Charming Charlie | Barrette: vintage

Thursday, June 26, 2014

On the Visible Fat Girl

Let me be really, truly real here: visible fat people on the internet changed my life. There's absolutely no exaggeration there. I'd started changing my style around junior year of high school before getting into body acceptance and fat acceptance, but once I found those, it was like opening a door I hadn't even known existed. Torrid was a nice entry into dressing my fat body; visible fatness was a storm of learning not to hate my body.
I've already made a post about my style evolution, and I like the explanation that offers for my personal journey. But that's just it: it's about my journey. Yeah, that's a big part of why I blog, but it's not the only one.
I've recently slid down the hill a little and lost some camera confidence. I'm more than happy to wear spaghetti straps or short skirts or whatever, and I'm happy to have pictures taken of me. I'm still having trouble with the taking-pictures-of-myself bit, but I am working on it! That's a different sort of bravery for me. And my bravery isn't just for me.
I blog mostly for me, but maybe there are people who read what I have to say (even if I don't say it often (sorry)) and maybe I give them a little more confidence. Maybe my visibly fat body helps them. Maybe I'm that inspiration I got back in the day. I don't blog often anymore (I know, I know), but I do still try because being visibly, open, unashamedly fat is a big deal. It's far more revolutionary than ModCloth carrying plus sizes (that are still too expensive, but that's cause I'm a little cheap). Plus-size bloggers are incredible. They've given me the confidence to wear half of the stuff in my wardrobe today, and they gave me the confidence to get a fatkini this year.
That, and quite a few of my fat babe friends got bikinis from Forever 21, and that's where mine's from.
And when my friends and I went to the beach a couple weeks ago, I wore it. In public. Proudly, with rolls and softness and pastiness and a healing sunburn from San Diego.
My sunglasses are from Charming Charlie, and
they're super cute. I need a better picture.
 One day!
Erika asked how it felt to wear it, whether it was scary or not, and I'll be honest: it was, for maybe two minutes. But for me, it wasn't necessarily freeing or empowering. It was just nice. I felt really cute, and I was happy, and I would never have even thought about baring my belly three years ago. Now, I'm thinking that I'd really like some crop tops to wear with circle skirts. Now, I'm so much less afraid. And that's because of the community I've found and dabbled in.
So, yeah. Visible fat people are incredibly important, even if it just inspires someone with deep-seated body image issues to buy her first bikini since childhood.

Sunday, June 8, 2014

Blackened Gator, White Sands

So I know I promised a post about my Alabama adventure, so here it finally is! Casey and I went during my spring break and stayed with my aunt and uncle in their lovely condo overlooking the gulf. During this adventure, there were multiple arcades, really good meals, a few episodes of My Mad Fat Diary, jellyfish, songs poorly done via karaoke, and a whole myriad of other awesome things.
None of this negates the fact that the Waffle House has disappointing waffles, considering its name.
Live Bait, where they have good po' boys and
good karaoke!

We didn't try the blackened gator. Sorry.

Thursday, May 8, 2014

What's In Your Purse?

So I should be better at announcing when I'm going on hiatus, but as it happens, I'm really bad at that. Sorry! It's been a long semester, and I still have about a week till I'm done. Soon, though!
I mean, it's the long semester bit, and also a crisis of confidence, but I'm hoping for a good summer. And I have adventures and stuff to keep the world caught up on, because let's be real: this is more of a personal blog than anything, especially while I'm not posting outfit pictures.
Anyway, I was contacted by someone at Credit Card Insider about this campaign they're doing called, as the post has already hinted: What's In Your Purse? And since I'm the furthest thing from a financial mogul, or an anything mogul, I'm just gonna talk about some of the nonsense I keep with me all the time.
 So, here's all the stuff I keep with me everywhere I go, save a pair of sunglasses. Those were still on my head when I took the picture. They're super cute, too.

  • I'm never without a notebook, and this is the one I favor. As I'm sure we all know, I do a lot of writing, and this is my best way of keeping it organized and, you know, existent. Casey got this for me for Christmas a couple years ago.
  • A compact is a great thing to have, especially on days where I actually do The Makeup Thing. This one is from Forever 21.
  • Pens are, of course, vital. This one's cool, cause it also has a touchscreen stylus on the top. My mom get a trillion of them for work, and by extension, so do I.
  • Keys are also necessary, for obvious reasons.
  • And my wallet, which I got for maybe five bucks at Ross. It's one of the brightest things I own, and lots of people like to joke about how there's no way I'd be able to lose it. They would be right.
  • Lipstick/chapstick/so on/so forth of the day. Today, it's Maybelline's Baby Lips in Cherry Me.
  • And my cell phone, also for obvious reasons.

Oh, and this is the purse I've been using most often! It's from Target, and my mom got it for me for Christmas this last year. It has more pockets than I expected, and more room than logically makes sense.
Okay, okay, back to studying! I have four finals next week, and then I'm free! And I say this a lot, but I do plan on being a lot more present this summer! I haven't been reading blogs or posting or even taking many pictures, and I really, really miss it. Soon!
See you then!