Wednesday, December 18, 2013


The body is sacred ground. It is hallowed, consecrated, holy and beautiful. We see it in variations of good, bad, and worse. Our lives are devoted the maintenance of the idols of our bodies, though we see ourselves as sinners.
Oh, I shouldn’t. The murmurs pass your lips before anything else, like a password that negates the molecular sparkle of sugar across your tongue. A blessing in reverse, maybe, or a counter spell. An antidote to a simple pleasure.
We’re taught from an early age, with our stubby legs and hungry eyes, that life is more than just black and white. It exists in gradations of the two, blending and blurring and smearing the lines. Of course, there are those who would draw over them again in permanent marker. There are those who etch new lines into the barren earth of our malleable hearts to trap us.
Life is so much more than black, white, or grey. It is an explosive cacophony of color, a riot of reds and purples and blues and golds, spilling across our fragile bones in grand swaths of sunsets and argon. Oh, I musn’t, you whisper with a white brush of stitches across your lips. Oh, I can’t, you echo as you paint calories burned in black lines across your skin.
We are the cavalry, the infantry struggling against something far more insidious than bullets or mustard gas. We gasp and choke on words that taste like chlorine gas and gather in our lungs, saving up for later attacks in the dead of night. We struggle and we fight and we forget.
Our bodies are canvases and pens and microphones. They’re art. They’re poetry, they’re music, they’re tributes to every day the sun shone on our skin and every mistake we survived.
Holy things survive because we keep them in cases of gold and glass, but they crumble upon contact. They survive because they go untouched, and dust gathers, filling creases and folds and the tiny imperfections we proclaim to worship in one breath and damn in the next. Some things, though, live on and on and keep going because they’re tenacious and robust, and if the body is not a tool of survival, there is no such thing.
The most important thing is to shuck off the heavy, ill-fitting vestments of our religion, of hating our bodies. We are not cheap imitations of gilded idols. We are swirling bits of life, the most wonderful and poorly thought-out force which survived fires and asteroid impacts and diseases and the ocean pounding it into submission.
The body is neither sacred nor blasphemous. It simply is, and that’s amazing enough.

Tuesday, December 17, 2013

The Day After Finals

I'm finally done with the semester and finally back home, and it's nice. To celebrate, I slept in until two. And to continue celebrating, I wore my favorite sweater.
Sweater: Forever 21 | Skirt: mom | Shoes: DIY | Sunglasses: Tilly's | Necklace: vintage
It's good to be back, guys. And that's something I'll celebrate by scaring myself silly with Bioshock.

Monday, December 9, 2013

On the Hiatus

Oh my gosh, you guys, I am so sorry I've allowed so much of the semester to go by without saying anything to you all about a hiatus. Honestly, I didn't expect there to be one. I've been busy all through the semester, writing (and more writing) and being in the bio club and doing a ton of chemistry homework, but not busy enough to really justify ignoring this blog. Part of it is that I really have been pressed for inspiration, so no body image posts or silly lists with things I want. Most of it, though, is that I'm still, still not feeling confident enough to take pictures of myself in relatively public spaces. Because, let's be real, even my bedroom counts as a public space. That's something to fix, though.
So the hiatus will continue for another few days. A week, to be precise. Finals sort of take precedence over everything else, you know? But the second I'm allowed to cheer about winter break, I'll start something new. Something silly and simple, but hopefully something that'll jump start this blog again. I mean, it's nothing more than making a post a day, every single day, but I think it's enough. No gimmick needed.
Thank you for being patient with me, you guys. Sorry if I worried you, and I'm sorry I'm so ridiculously behind on your blogs. I promise you'll see more of me soon!
(And if you're a fat babe in the LA area, there's going to be another meetup! It's December 15th at 2:00, at Grand Park. You can get more info here!)

Sunday, October 27, 2013


I received an email today about the navabi Curvy Blog Award, and my first reaction was guilt. I've been negligent to this blog, and all of the other social platforms I maintain. Posting is still a rare thing, whether it's an outfit picture or a monologue on diet culture. I'm not at all caught up on any of your wonderful blogs, and I haven't been for months.
I was tempted to nominate myself and call it an incentive, but I think I'll try again next year if I return to my better-blogging ways.
As it is, I did put in a nomination.
Dear Sian: good luck.

Saturday, October 26, 2013

Nautical Nonsense

Hooray, it's another incredibly late Marvelous Monday post! Still not on a Monday! Yeah!
The theme: nautical.
Now, let's be real here: I love everything to do with water. Every single thing. The proudest moment of my life was driving a pontoon boat on Convict Lake in Mammoth. (Which reminds me that I still have a ton of Mammoth pictures to post. Whoops.)
Best day ever.
As such, I'm a sucker for nautical fashion. I've been wearing that striped dress to death lately, and now, you can see it in nautical action. I really ought to have pictures of me in something else one of these days. It's getting a little weird. I'm also incredibly disappointed that I forgot my anchor earrings, but oh well.

Chambray dress: WalMart | Striped dress, red belt: Image | Shoes: Forever 21

Got the Stars in Her Eyes

Following Dreams Sweater

So Modcloth, that wonderful purveyor of really, really adorable things, emailed me recently. It was a simple thing, just asking me to participate in their weekly Polyvore outfit challenge. Being someone who's rarely spent any time on Polyvore and who has never actually made a set before this, I enthusiastically agreed to participate. So basically, I created a cute, Halloween-themed outfit out of the wonderful things Modcloth has to offer. The best part? The skirt and sweater both run up to a 4x, and the tights are plus. That's how I roll, yo. And the starting piece, their Following Dreams Sweater, is just perfect for this time of year. Because, you know, stripes and polka-dots living harmoniously remind us all of that crisp bite of fall.
Anyway, this site is actually a lot of fun! We might all expect to see more sets in the future. Maybe.

Saturday, October 19, 2013

Oh, Pablo

It's another super late Marvelous Monday post on a day that's not Monday!
This theme is celebrity-inspired.
Now, I don't live under a rock. As you can tell, I live in a pretty nice dorm with five other people. There are very few rocks even in sight, and I don't live under any of them. Thus, I know abut modern celebrities. More importantly, I know that quite a few of them have some rad style. I don't really care about Taylor Swift's music, but I do care about her closet. Same goes for Kim Kardashian and...whatever she does, and her closet. I don't care, but I'm aware.
All of this is to say that I totally know about modern celebrities, even though I'm channeling Pablo Picasso today. And why wouldn't I? He's one of the most well-known painters in history, he was friends with Jacques Cousteau, and he could do stripes like no one else. I mean, look at this guy:
I just got dressed to get some breakfast at the cafe, but let me tell you, dressing up with one of my favorite artists in mind totally helped make the morning trek a little more bearable.
I promise I wore shoes today. I really did.

Dress (as top): Image | Skirt: mom
Finally, I'm participating in National Novel Writing Month this year! The goal is to write 50,000 words in thirty days in November. Come be my writing buddy if you plan on participating!

Wednesday, October 9, 2013

Over the Top

So, wow, I am really, really, really behind on Marvelous Mondays. I formally apologize, and offer up this post on a Wednesday. I'm going to do them all this week, and hopefully one day I'll get a shot outside! I think we all fail to understand just how gorgeous my campus is.
The first theme I'm behind on is Over the Top. While I'm occasionally a bit of an obnoxious dresser, I generally tend towards more simplistic looks. I think I'm turning into a minimalist. I wore this obnoxious pattern party with much more low-key accessories. I was so excited when I woke up this morning and it was cold outside! I've been waiting to wear this sweater since I put it away for the summer.

Sweater, collared top, dangly earrings: Forever 21 | Dress (worn underneath): Image | Leggings: WalMart | Boots: Forever | Cuff: Vintage | Headband: Christmas present | Necklace: Claire's | Studs (worn later): Mudd
And my mom sent Halloween decorations in her last care package! While we haven't gotten around to hanging up some of the cooler ones yet, we have started decorating. One of my roommates even brought these cool Olvera Street guys to hang out with some leaves and stuff.
And finally, I wrote a short article about my love of biology and the importance of education for a local environmental group. Maybe go check it out?

Sunday, September 29, 2013

Just a Moment...

Before I disappear into the ether that is Bad Blogging (I'm so sorry, guys!), I'm going to be a little horrible and plug my online shop. You can buy embroidery and (so far only one, but don't mind too much) paintings from me to put on your walls!
I promise there are really cute things.

Tuesday, September 24, 2013

Prodigal Blogger

I'm sorry it's been so long! I've admittedly been to shy to take photos of my outfits, even though they've been some decent outfits. I'm just neurotic. But I promise to get caught up on my Marvelous Monday outfits soon! Like, by next Monday. Expect some catch-up posts.
For now, here's what I wore today. Nothing particularly special, as this is how I've been dressing all semester thus far, but I finally got over myself and took pictures in the living room/kitchen.
As a quick aside, the semester's going pretty well! I like my classes, I like my suitemates, and I recently got into NBC'S Hannibal. My life is a good one.

Skirt and flats: gifted by Dani | Top: Ralph Lauren | Bangles: Forever 21 | Earrings: Mudd

Wednesday, September 11, 2013

The Trick

I think we all love what I call Awesome and Cool Fat Babes. I mean, how can we not? There are incredible people out there like Sian and Rachele and Erin (to name so very few), and that's exactly what they are. Awesome and Cool. They all exude this contagious confidence, and they all seem so incredibly comfortable in their own skin.
Sometimes, I wonder if I carry off that persona half as well.
And then, after that, I realise that it's just that: a persona. I don't know these people very personally. I haven't met a single one, and I don't know that they're that confident all the time. Heaven knows I'm not.
That's the thing, though. We talk about and encourage self-confidence so much that it becomes the first thing we admire, and the first thing we envy. We see bloggers smiling at the camera like they have all the best secrets, see them standing tall and proud, see them showing off their bodies like they are the most precious of treasures. We see the images and words they send out into the void, and we see who they'd like us to see. Presumably, they show us who they'd like to be.
This isn't an indictment on the "unreality" of blogging, or whatever. Because we all do it. That's how this thing works. We show off what we think is the best of us and we allow ourselves a brief moment to fully encompass that being we project, and it's beautiful.
This isn't an indictment of anything, really. Just... I don't know. It's me saying that, while we all showcase our strength and confidence, we forget that everyone has bad days. I don't say that to bind us all together—no, our shared love of pizza and cute clothes does that pretty well (the pizza was just a speculation, but then, if you don't like pizza, that is wrong).
We, as a group, encourage self-confidence so strongly that every second without it feels like failure. It feels like falling from a great height, like you've lost something you've worked so hard to get. I mean, look at that blogger, she's so confident, why can't I be more like her?
We punish ourselves in this way. We forget something so incredibly, incredibly important.
While I think that the message of self love matters so much, I also think that we need to teach ourselves and our world that you are not a failure if you don't love your body or yourself. You are not wrong, you are not being stupid, you are not anything. You are allowed to feel what you feel. Don't you ever forget that.

Thursday, September 5, 2013

Plus Brands, Please Take Note

I just want eyes on all of my clothes, partially to channel my inner Night Vale, and partially because, come on.
Look at what Kenzo did.
Make it happen in a size fat, please.
(Pictures link to places where you can put them in your closet if you've the cash and the body.)

Friday, August 30, 2013

Street Style, Again

Once again, I'm filled with this vague idea that I'd like to try my hand at street style photography. I'd actually like to do it around my campus, with an emphasis on red on Wednesdays, which are, I guess, designated as Redout Wednesdays. Red is the school colour, and I liked seeing how people incorporated it on Wednesday.
Of course, there are a few roadblocks to this idea: I still don't know where my camera charger is (my nightstand back in Lancaster?), I can barely talk to people, and what if people just aren't into it?
I guess if I'm still entertaining the thought later and I've located the stupid charger, we'll see what happens!

Monday, August 26, 2013

Pretty Simple

It's Marvelous Monday again, guys! It's also my first at the university, so that's pretty rad as well. Though I was a bit too cowardly to go beyond the hallway; I did have to tell my roommate was going on, vaguely. So there's that. Eventually, I'll venture onto the beautiful campus.
Let's hope.
Anyway, today I just had a couple of classes, which was pretty nice. I like my chemistry teacher well enough, but my history teacher is fantastic! I'm going to like this semester, I think.
This week's theme: minimalism!
To me, minimalism is just simplicity. Clean lines, simple colour palettes, very few accessories, stuff like that. I went for a monochromatic outfit with a pop of colour (purple lipstick you can barely see in the photo, just how I like it), and a splash of weird.
What better way to introduce myself to strangers than in  my eye shoes? Now all I'm missing is my heart sweater...

Tee: Lane Bryant | Skirt: mom | Tights: WalMart | Shoes: DIY
Now, let's go see how the others did simplicity!

Saturday, August 24, 2013

I Have a Dorm!

Well, I'm all sorted out here! I've unpacked, put everything away, gone grocery shopping (twice), met most of my suitemates, and bought approximately 80% of Target. I've also eaten in the cafe, which isn't bad. I'm not sure how often I'll go there, as I have every intention of cooking as often as I can, but I hear they have pretty good pancakes.
I feel like I ought to wait so I can take better pictures of my dorm than what I already have, but I'm a bit impatient, and my cupcake painting is falling down again, already, so these mediocre, wire-crossed pictures will have to do!
And then, more on Mammoth!

Friday, August 23, 2013

Some Wanderings

I went to Mammoth last week, and took approximately six million pictures. This post will be in three parts because of that, really.
I'll properly explain everything another day, but for now, have some photos!
Also: today is my move-in day. Expect nonsense about that shortly!

Stove has fantastic corn bread, and some of the best prime
rib ever.

Monday, August 19, 2013

Dinner and a Movie

Welcome to another Marvelous Monday! Actually, this was taken last Tuesday, but it's still Marvelous Monday. In real life, I'm actually wandering the High Sierras. Again.
This week's theme: date night!
I like really easy dates, honestly. Things like walking around in the late afternoon, drinking cool soda, and joking around like idiots. But with nice little additions, like holding hands. As such, I normally wouldn't wear heels on a date, unless they were fairly chunky and low. I mean, I have to be able to walk, right? But these heels Dani sent me were just so lovely, and they thus shaped my entire outfit.

Line forms on the left, gentlemen.

Fun fact: I actually fell over while wearing these heels and
looking at myself in the mirror. Proof of just how bad I am at
high heels.
Top: Ross | Skirt: mom | Earrings, heels: Forever 21 | Sunglasses, bag: Claire's | Bangles: Charming Charlie | Barrette: vintage
And now, I'd suggest paying a visit to the others to see how they dress up for dinner, movies, walking, or whatever it is when they date people.

Thursday, August 15, 2013

First Fat Babe Meetup

I can't believe I'm only just now getting to this! Lame, I know. But, I guess, as I forgot to take pictures myself, I've been a bit lazy about putting up some of the photos from the album on Facebook. Hideously enough, I can't remember the name of our sort of (official?) photographer, but that will be rectified the second I do. (Cameron. That's the photographer's name.)
After the Renegade Craft Fair, my compatriot (who was helping me out with LA's public transit (did I tell you that I took a subway and felt irrationally sophisticated? That happened.)) and I headed over to Grand Park and found that there were people already there.
There was talk of purple leg hair, anger and overalls, glitter, and urban exploring, as well as more serious issues pertaining to fat people (like healthcare, stupid clothing companies, and internalising self hate). Long story short, it was fantastic. Now, there's talk of a beach meetup soon, so if you're interested, be sure to check out the Facebook group. It's private, but if you're game to meet up with a bunch of fat babes, a request to join is no big deal. There's also an official tumblr! Oh, we're all over the internet.
(And I'm basically only including pictures that have me in them, because those other faces aren't mine, and next time I'll remember that I have a camera.)

I'll keep you guys up-to-date on the future meetups I'll be attending, so don't feel bad about having missed this one! I don't think they'll all have these stellar pink tables and chairs, but we can all hope.

Only one photo was taken by me, and that's the Fat Babes in LA banner thing. I made the banner altogether, actually, and am quite proud. I can't claim any of the others, though.