I'm Still Here (Quietly)

I still don't know what to do with this blog, and it kills me to leave it in limbo. I know I won't delete it, because, as I've said in the past, it's been so good to me. I've learned a lot, I've written a ton, and I'm not the same person I was before I started blogging. And yes, I miss it. I miss sharing my day with you and taking pictures of myself and feeling cute. I still do feel cute. I got dressed up and did my makeup to go out for sushi with my roommates the other day. I'm busier than I've been in a long time (though now I'm technically on winter break). I have a girlfriend (who's really cute and sweet and the best ever, we've been dating for almost a year). Things are completely different.

I miss the people I've connected to through here. I've met a ton of incredible, lovely people, and they've all improved my life so much. I need to devote a few days to just catch up on those friends' blogs.

I wear the same handful of outfits, with a couple of outliers. It's not bad, just quick when you want to sleep in and still make it on time to a ridiculously early lab. It's like a uniform.

I'm not sure what the point of this post was, honestly. Just a little note to say that I'm still here and I miss blogging but not enough to devote real time to it.

(Honestly, though, I think the point is that I'm procrastinating on my grad school applications. Oh, and I'm graduating in May! So there's a tidbit!)

I Keep Doing This

Sorry about this, guys! I'm hopefully going to get back into the habit soon, especially now that I'm in a new (really cute) dorm, and now that I have this skirt currently on its way to me.

Till I manage to get myself together enough to take pictures, here are a couple older, undocumented outfits that I really love!

Ah, San Diego. Always so good to me.

 Dress: Forever 21 (I definitely need more pictures in this beauty) | Flannel shirt: thrifted | Tights: Walmart | Shoes: Vans | Sunglasses: Charming Charlie | Backpack: Forever 21

Fun house portraits count, don't they?

Dress: Old Navy, a la Dani | Bag: Target | Leggings: WalMart | Shoes: Payless (can you even see them?)

On the Visible Fat Girl

Let me be really, truly real here: visible fat people on the internet changed my life. There's absolutely no exaggeration there. I'd started changing my style around junior year of high school before getting into body acceptance and fat acceptance, but once I found those, it was like opening a door I hadn't even known existed. Torrid was a nice entry into dressing my fat body; visible fatness was a storm of learning not to hate my body.

I've already made a post about my style evolution, and I like the explanation that offers for my personal journey. But that's just it: it's about my journey. Yeah, that's a big part of why I blog, but it's not the only one.

I've recently slid down the hill a little and lost some camera confidence. I'm more than happy to wear spaghetti straps or short skirts or whatever, and I'm happy to have pictures taken of me. I'm still having trouble with the taking-pictures-of-myself bit, but I am working on it! That's a different sort of bravery for me. And my bravery isn't just for me.

I blog mostly for me, but maybe there are people who read what I have to say (even if I don't say it often (sorry)) and maybe I give them a little more confidence. Maybe my visibly fat body helps them. Maybe I'm that inspiration I got back in the day. I don't blog often anymore (I know, I know), but I do still try because being visibly, open, unashamedly fat is a big deal. It's far more revolutionary than ModCloth carrying plus sizes (that are still too expensive, but that's cause I'm a little cheap). Plus-size bloggers are incredible. They've given me the confidence to wear half of the stuff in my wardrobe today, and they gave me the confidence to get a fatkini this year.

That, and quite a few of my fat babe friends got bikinis from Forever 21, and that's where mine's from.

And when my friends and I went to the beach a couple weeks ago, I wore it. In public. Proudly, with rolls and softness and pastiness and a healing sunburn from San Diego.

My sunglasses are from Charming Charlie, and
they're super cute. I need a better picture.
 One day!

Erika asked how it felt to wear it, whether it was scary or not, and I'll be honest: it was, for maybe two minutes. But for me, it wasn't necessarily freeing or empowering. It was just nice. I felt really cute, and I was happy, and I would never have even thought about baring my belly three years ago. Now, I'm thinking that I'd really like some crop tops to wear with circle skirts. Now, I'm so much less afraid. And that's because of the community I've found and dabbled in.

So, yeah. Visible fat people are incredibly important, even if it just inspires someone with deep-seated body image issues to buy her first bikini since childhood.

What's In Your Purse?

So I should be better at announcing when I'm going on hiatus, but as it happens, I'm really bad at that. Sorry! It's been a long semester, and I still have about a week till I'm done. Soon, though!

I mean, it's the long semester bit, and also a crisis of confidence, but I'm hoping for a good summer. And I have adventures and stuff to keep the world caught up on, because let's be real: this is more of a personal blog than anything, especially while I'm not posting outfit pictures.

Anyway, I was contacted by someone at Credit Card Insider about this campaign they're doing called, as the post has already hinted: What's In Your Purse? And since I'm the furthest thing from a financial mogul, or an anything mogul, I'm just gonna talk about some of the nonsense I keep with me all the time.

 So, here's all the stuff I keep with me everywhere I go, save a pair of sunglasses. Those were still on my head when I took the picture. They're super cute, too.

• I'm never without a notebook, and this is the one I favor. As I'm sure we all know, I do a lot of writing, and this is my best way of keeping it organized and, you know, existent. Casey got this for me for Christmas a couple years ago.
• A compact is a great thing to have, especially on days where I actually do The Makeup Thing. This one is from Forever 21.
• Pens are, of course, vital. This one's cool, cause it also has a touchscreen stylus on the top. My mom get a trillion of them for work, and by extension, so do I.
• Keys are also necessary, for obvious reasons.
• And my wallet, which I got for maybe five bucks at Ross. It's one of the brightest things I own, and lots of people like to joke about how there's no way I'd be able to lose it. They would be right.
• Lipstick/chapstick/so on/so forth of the day. Today, it's Maybelline's Baby Lips in Cherry Me.
• And my cell phone, also for obvious reasons.

Oh, and this is the purse I've been using most often! It's from Target, and my mom got it for me for Christmas this last year. It has more pockets than I expected, and more room than logically makes sense.

Okay, okay, back to studying! I have four finals next week, and then I'm free! And I say this a lot, but I do plan on being a lot more present this summer! I haven't been reading blogs or posting or even taking many pictures, and I really, really miss it. Soon!

See you then!

Awards

I received an email today about the navabi Curvy Blog Award, and my first reaction was guilt. I've been negligent to this blog, and all of the other social platforms I maintain. Posting is still a rare thing, whether it's an outfit picture or a monologue on diet culture. I'm not at all caught up on any of your wonderful blogs, and I haven't been for months.
I was tempted to nominate myself and call it an incentive, but I think I'll try again next year if I return to my better-blogging ways.
As it is, I did put in a nomination.
Dear Sian: good luck.